This blog is a day too late. It should have been a happy blog, but now it is full of grief and regret.
And all because I was so concerned of what the outside world had to say. The usual negative things that I have heard before about having another child (I have 4 already).
Instead of going ahead and proudly announcing to the whole world yet another blessing and addition to the family, I withheld and kept it to ourselves (our family) and to few people whom we know will rejoice in the announcement.
We were all very excited for his coming, especially our daughter, JM, who couldn’t wait for him to come out from my tummy. The kids have already incorporated him in their activities and goodnight prayers, thanking God for “baby”.
And now we lost him. Our baby Jonathan, our baby angel.
And what hurts the most was that he was very much alive and healthy, but he was already out of my uterus. If only there was a way to transfer him to another person’s uterus, I would have gladly given him.
I thought of my friend, Gel, who had always been wishing for a child.
A few minutes after “birth” and still under the effects of drugs, I woke up crying for my baby, and my husband, in his great love for me, doing his best to comfort me, gave me the impression that the baby was alive and was being taken cared of in the nursery. I kept muttering we should transfer the baby to my friend, Gel. And he comforted me all the while.
When I had recovered a bit, my husband told me the hard truth … our baby is gone.
And the grief begins.
"If tears could build a stairway, And memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven, And bring you home again." ~ Author Unknown (http://www.quotegarden.com)