Today is the Last Time

WARNING:  Contains graphic photos of a miscarried baby.  Not for the faint hearted.

For 6 years now, February 15 is spent commemorating the death of our 5^th child, Jonathan, whom I lost via miscarriage.  He was 3 months old. 

It happened right after Valentine’s Day 2009.  

We planned to tour the kids for the first time around Baguio.  

 However, we were only on the first stop (Mines View) when I felt something was wrong.  I had some spotting.  We calmly went straight to the hospital for a check up, but everything just happened so fast.  I was already bleeding profusely.   The ultrasound showed baby Jonathan still alive but already out of my uterus.  I refused to believe that he could not be saved.  I was telling my husband they could probably transfer the baby to another woman’s womb.  And I thought of my friend, Gelay, who didn’t have a child then.  That was my last memory before they put me to sleep.  When I awoke, I immediately asked my Sweetheart where Jonathan was.  Out of love and pity, he lied and said that Jonathan was in the nursery room.  I drifted on and off to sleep for a few more hours and when I finally came around, I was told that hard truth.   My baby Jonathan was gone forever. 

Me, being a Pro-Life advocate, I'm posting these graphic photos for the first time
so that people will know that at 3 mos., the so called 'blood' is already a human,
and therefore should not be aborted.

But today, 2-15-2015, as if with Jonathan’s consent, we’re being freed from the sad memory.  He is giving us a fresh, new happy memory to cherish every Feb. 15 hereafter.  And that is the excitement of taking a trip to Italy for the first time.  We will be nearer to him as we fly across the skies. 

So, today will be the last time I will cry sad tears for you, the last time I will let the pain of your loss grip me, the last time I will remember you with sadness.  From hereon, I will think of you as a happy 6-year old boy with angel’s wings, coz according to the book “Heaven is for Real”, miscarried babies grow in heaven. From hereon, the memory of Feb. 15 will just be the manifestation of my dream to go back to Europe with my Sweetheart.

We will forever love and remember you, our angel baby Jonathan.  Thank you for always watching over us from heaven.